Memories

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.

One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"

The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

From a contest in which Baby Boomers were asked to tell Gen-Xers how much harder it was in the old days:

In my day, we didn't have mouses to move the cursor around. We only had the arrows, and if the up arrow was broken and you needed to get to the top of the screen, well, you just hit the left arrow a thousand times, dadgummit.
(Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)

In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
(Bill Flavin, Alexandria)

In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
(Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)

In my day, we didn't have fancy high numbers. We had "nothing," "one," "twain" and "multitudes."
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying "Doors closing." We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out it scraped along the tunnel all the damn way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

In my day, attitudes were different. For example, women didn't like sex. At least that is what they told me.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
(Sarah M. Wolford, Hanover)

Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

In my day, we didn't have days. There was only "time for work," "time for pray" and "time for sleep." The sheriff would go around and tell everyone when to change.
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes drenched in melted fat from those animals. And we're all as strong as AAGGKK-GAAK Urrgh. Thud.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

When I was your age, we didn't have fake doggie-do. We only had real doggie-do, and no one thought it was a damn bit funny.
(Brendan Bassett, Columbia)

In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
(Diana Hugue, Bowie)

Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

In the old days, nobody asked you to sign petitions. The sheriff just came to your house and told you you was part of a posse.
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

In my day, we didn't have Strom Thurmond. Oh, wait. Yes we did ...
(Peg Sheeran, Vienna)