A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older.

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."

      Newspaper   Goofs

    * Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
    * Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
    * Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
    * House passes gas tax onto senate
    * Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
    * Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
    * William Kelly was fed secretary
    * Milk drinkers are turning to powder
    * Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted 
    * Quarter of a million Chinese live on water 
    * Farmer bill dies in house 
    * Iraqi head seeks arms 


 Some become unintentionally suggestive: 

    * Queen Mary having bottom scraped
    * Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
    * Prostitutes appeal to Pope
    * Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
    * NJ judge to rule on nude beach
    * Child's stool great for use in garden
    * Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
    * Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
    * Organ festival ends in smashing climax 


 Grammar often botches other headlines: 

    * Eye drops off shelf
    * Squad helps dog bite victim
    * Dealers will hear car talk at noon
    * Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
    * Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
    * Miners refuse to work after death
    * Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
    * Two sisters reunite after eighteen 
          years at checkout counter 


 Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a 
    meaning opposite from the one intended: 

    * Never withhold herpes from loved one
    * Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
    * Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
    * Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better 


 Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious: 

    * If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
    * War dims hope for peace
    * Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
    * Cold wave linked to temperatures
    * Child's death ruins couple's holiday
    * Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she 
         hasn't seen in years
    * Man is fatally slain 
    * Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say 
    * Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation