Nov '99   Jokes

Sign at Finance House:
To get back on your feet,
miss two car payments.
You know you are getting old when you see events described in history books were the ones you read about in the newspapers.


Just Like a Surgeon

Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.

Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come over here a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car. Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

DeBakey was very embarrassed and as he walked away, said softly to Morris, "Try doing your work with the engine running."



Playing God

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell God that they were through with Him.

The scientists walked up to God and said "God, we've decided that we no longer need You. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go get lost."

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about his, let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientst repled, "OK, great!"

God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The scientist repled, "sure, no problem," and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!".



What a treat

A guy is driving a truckload of penguins from Florida to the New York Bronx zoo. He's in Washington and gets in an accident totaling his truck. He sees another truckdriver at the scene with an empty truck and says "I'll give you $500 if you help me round up the penguins and take them to the Bronx zoo for me. The other driver agrees and takes off for the zoo.

About 3 days go by and the original truckdriver sees the other truckdriver shuffling a couple hundred penguins across Broadway. He stops him and asks

"What happened, I gave you $500 to take them to the zoo" upon which he replies, "Oh yeah, I took them to the zoo and I had a little money left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies".



A little child in church for the first time watched the ushers pass the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear; "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."


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