In a Bucharest Hotel:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from the Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetry where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artisits and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket counter:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest: