COMPUTER THOUGHTS


REMEMBER WHEN....

 COMPUTER WAS SOMETHING ON TV
 FROM A SCIENCE FICTION SHOW
 A WINDOW WAS SOMETHING YOU HATED TO CLEAN....
 AND RAM WAS THE COUSIN OF A GOAT.....

 MEG WAS THE NAME OF MY GIRLFRIEND
 AND GIG WAS YOUR MIDDLE FINGER UPRIGHT
 NOW THEY ALL MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS
 AND THAT REALLY MEGA BYTES

 AN APPLICATION WAS FOR EMPLOYMENT
 A PROGRAM WAS A TV SHOW
 A CURSOR USED PROFANITY
 A KEYBOARD WAS A PIANO

 MEMORY WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU LOST WITH AGE
 A CD WAS A BANK ACCOUNT
 AND IF YOU HAD A 3 1/2' FLOPPY
 YOU HOPED NOBODY FOUND OUT

 COMPRESS WAS SOMETHING YOU DID TO THE GARBAGE
 NOT SOMETHING YOU DID TO A FILE
 AND IF YOU UNZIPPED ANYTHING IN PUBLIC
 YOU'D BE IN JAIL FOR A WHILE

 LOG ON WAS ADDING WOOD TO THE FIRE
 HARD DRIVE WAS A LONG TRIP ON THE ROAD
 A MOUSE PAD WAS WHERE A MOUSE LIVED
 AND A BACKUP HAPPENED TO YOUR COMMODE

 CUT YOU DID WITH A POCKET KNIFE
 PASTE YOU DID WITH GLUE
 A WEB WAS A SPIDER'S HOME
 AND A VIRUS WAS THE FLU

 I GUESS I'LL STICK TO MY PAD AND PAPER
 AND THE MEMORY IN MY HEAD
 I HEAR NOBODY'S BEEN KILLED IN A COMPUTER CRASH
 BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS THEY WISH THEY WERE DEAD






Boost Your Technocabulary


Envy government writers? Wish you could compose prose which would convince the reader you are knowledgeable (even if the subject is completely foreign to you)? Simply employ the "Buzzword" writing method. It is simple. There are three columns of words involved, as follows:

0. balanced 0. management 0. contingency

1. total 1. organization 1. hardware (or software)

2. integrated 2. reciprocal 2. projection

3. compatible 3. monitored 3. time-frame

4. synchronized 4. digital 4. concept

5. optimal 5. modular 5. programming

6. responsive 6. transitional 6. mobility

7. functional 7. incremental 7. capability

8. parallel 8. third-generation 8. flexibility

9. systemized 9. policy 9. options

Just select any three-digit number; then use the corresponding Buzzwords from the above grid, e.g., 257: "integrated modular capability." Don't worry if it doesn't make sense to you; it won't mean anything to anyone else either, but they'll think you're just smarter than they are so they won't say anything!! You can propose "systemized reciprocal options" (929) to achieve "optimal transitional flexibility" (568), and your boss will probably promote you!!


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