There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple... English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it ? HUH ?
·This afternoon there will be meetings in the
south end and north ends of the church.
Children will be baptised at both ends.
·Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream
social. All ladies giving milk please come early
·Wednesday, the Ladies Literary Society will meet.
Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed"
accompanied by the pastor.
·Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting
of the Little Mother's Club. All wishing to
become little mothers will please meet the
minister in his study.
·This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson
to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
·The service will conclude with "Little Drops of
Water." One of the Ladies will quietly start
and the rest of the congregation will join in.
·On Sunday a special collection will be taken to
defray the expense of the new carpet. All those
wishing to do something on the carpet please
come forward and get a piece of paper.
·The ladies of the church have cast off clothes of
every kind and they may be seen in the church
basement on Friday afternoon.